30df. Complete, but not.

**Disclaimer: I spilled iced tea on my laptop a few weeks ago. Currently, the y, g, and spacebar keys are not cooperating. Please forgive any missing y, g or spaces.

30df on Facebook

Above is a link that explains a little about the 30df that several people from The Way participated in recently. I didn't blog as much as I should have throughout the journey as I should have; the Lord did a lot of cool things that I want to remember.

The Lord has really begun a cool awakening of sorts in my heart. I've tried lots of times to express some of the stuff in my heart, but I can't think fast enough in conversations, so blogging it is.


Letting go and letting God: Don't we all have trust issues? Totally. I am super insecure in many areas of my life. I like to control everything. I think I get it from my mom (love you mom!). I grew up with a strong mother who took care of everything. I definitely inherited that part of her. I try to be Super Sarai by taking care of cleaning, working overtime, paying the bills, budgeting, cooking, shopping, etc. etc. etc. Being in control of every little thing around me makes me feel like I am showing love to others. However, pretty sure that sometimes others like to be in control of their own stuff! Haha! So during the fast, there were several times when I had literally ZERO control over the situation.

For example: money has been VERY tight/non-existent since I took my current job. At one point, several checks were cashed and there was LITERALLY no money. We all know what that means...Overdraft fees!! 4 to be exact. That's $120 EXTRA that I DIDN'T have that I now had to pay, on top of the cashed checks. I'll be honest. I cracked and I was alone. No friends to go to, no one to tell me it would be okay. I don't think I've ever been so pitiful before.

Then I got mad. I got mad at God for this. I called Him out. In Malachi 3:10-12 it says

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse that there may be food in my house. 'Test me in this' says the Lord 'and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.'"

Even though it was in anger, I had a legit petition here. He says to test Him. Now, don't misinterpret what I'm saying here. The Lord doesn't want us to only give to Him to then throw it back in His face later or something. This message is for those who are faithful with their tithes, as it says there in verse 10: bring your tithe to the storehouse.

Anyway, I felt biblically justified in blantantly saying, "God. We have been faithful. Now the ball is in Your court." Guess what. I didn't feel better. I cried for another 30 mins or so. It wasn't until I was putting the cat out to use the restroom that it hit me like a ton of bricks. God's voice in my heart. "Let go. Let me. Be at peace." I burst into laughter. Me? Be at peace?? With negative hundreds in the bank???!!! How can you resist the powerful voice of the Lord though? I felt sooooo overwhelmed. I wanted to argue. I wanted to resist. Psh. You can't resist God's love. I had to get in bed after that to process what had just happened. I fell asleep with my brain, which knew there was NO PHYSICAL WAY to solve this, telling me to stress and my heart, which knew that God was bigger than a few hundred dollars, telling me to rest while He dealt with it.

As I was getting ready for work the next morning, I checked the bank one last time to see the damage when I burst into laughter then tears.

There wasn't a negative balance anymore. Because our TAX REFUND was deposited a DAY EARLY. Really? Since when does the government give out money a day early?? I don't know. But the Lord had my back. He gave me His word that He would work it out and He did.

How can you not trust a God that carries you like that? When you think you're all alone. That no one gets you. I've got news for you. The creator of the UNIVERSE cares for you. He cares about your finances. He cares about your job. He cares about your marriage. He cares about your health. He cares about what's in your fridge. He cares about your transportation. He cares about what you care about.

He. Cares. For. You.

30df Day 700

Just kidding. It hasn't really been 700 days. I'm pretty sure it feels like it has been though. Soooooooo many things (both crazy good and just crazy) have been happening. I'll have to go back through my fasting list to update on those things.

Tonight, I just want to throw out some questions I've been pondering. I'm using the term "sin" to mean just about anything such as a lifestyle, habit, or issue in our lives.

Why are some "sins" okay to people and some aren't?

Why is it that when someone's "sins" are "exposed," we totally betray our Christian values and disown people and judge them harshly?

Why is the church a place where only "members" or saved people feel welcome? Isn't it supposed to be like a hospital where we draw the "sick" and offer a Father who "heals?"

Why are Christians judged so much? Do we ignore the judgments and just live our lives "offending" people? Or do we cut out all offensive things in order to draw these people to the Lord?

What about missionary work? What if I want to surround myself with "unbelievers" in order to get to know them as friends and maybe even *GASP* hang out with them!!

I have a lot more but I think this is enough for tonight. I'd LOVE to hear some opinions backed up with verses from the Bible or life experiences. Again. Not here to offend. Just learn <3

30DF Day 1

I'm torn about blogging about the 30DF fast. I believe (and the Bible says) it is supposed to be done basically in secret. But. Since most of our church is participating, and since this fast is very different and challenging in a different way, I feel a blog to share what the Lord is doing in my heart is not against the rules.

Yesterday was DAY ONE of The Way's 30DF. Basically we are committing to fast for 30 days from various things. I thought this was really cool from the first time I heard about it. This morning, not so much. You see, the various things we are fasting from are conveniences in our lives from transportation, vanity, internet all the way to your bed, running water and speaking!

Last night's fast was fasting from comfort = your bed.

A typical bed for some of the poor in our world might be a thin piece of foam or simply a light blanket on a hard floor or dirt ground. Millions of children grow up...never knowing the comfort of a soft bed...Many will cry out to God as their Comforter and place of refuge...Choose to sleep on the floor, beside your bed, just for tonight. Practice finding your comfort in the shelter of God's arms.

Let's be honest. I hated it. But this isn't about me or the killer bags under my eyes. Lord, what are You trying to show me by having me sleep on the floor? I still don't know. But as I fast today from transportation, please reveal to me in Your time the things you want me to see and know. Amen.

Why You So Obsessed With Me?

**Disclaimer: The following blog has been approved by a SICK TWF Grammar Team. Which means it basically hasn't been proof-read. Gimme a break, I've been sick for a month!***

Just some lyrics from a song that describe the topic of this blog. As you all know, I recently joined Bakersfield Loser sponsored by Body Xchange---mine and Tina's gym. I just felt like it was time to come clean with some issues I was having a few weeks ago. My personal blog, versus our combined journey blog, seemed a better place to do that.

I am only sharing this because a few of you were the ones who helped me get over this hump: when you are dieting, it is SO easy to get obsessed. I was literally OBSESSING about every little thing I ate. I even got to the point where I would convince myself to NOT eat or to eat VERY little at dinner time.

Anyway, in our last Beth Moore bible study we did with the ladies at church, my sister had us write a few things that stuck out to us at the bible study. I just happened to find my card in the midst of that tough time (which I think MAY have been my sister's idea all along?)


First of all, this card was written sort of during the beginning times of my gym days: last November. It didn't even come into play in my life until now, 3 months later. That just really encourages me because some things that we do NOW, we won't see the fruit for months, maybe even years.

Next, I want to share with you the passage from the study that talks about "self-control" of the mouth. One passage is about controlling what comes out of your mouth: gossip, insults, rude words. The other? What goes IN your mouth:

" ¹²"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. ¹³"Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both." It is no accident that the subject of physical appetite is immediately followed by the exhortation to let nothing master us. Many Americans--bone thin to morbidly obese--are mastered by food"

Ack! Just typing this is bringing tears to my eyes. So. Not that I was morbidly obese before, but we can all admit that Sarai has always been on the "chunky" side, especially over the last 5 years. But reading this was like Beth was looking at me saying, "Sarai! Get ahold of yourself! God has called you to bigger and better things and letting food make or break you day is not in His plan for you!!"

In the video series, Beth talked with some women about being "content" at your weight. Obviously, obesity or over-weightness is not healthy and not a place where we are called to be "content." But, if we are eating SENSIBLY and exercising (maybe not twice a day like Kristina and I are right now, but at least 3-4 times a week), then the Lord asks us as women to NOT compare ourselves to other women who are size 2 or size 4, but to look in the mirror and see OURSELVES as gorgeous, healthy, CONTENT women who are happy to be the size they are. That is why I wrote, "Be free, not obsessed with weight."

This ties in with my "rough week" because I was no longer living in His freedom. I was CRYING everytime I went to eat, thinking to myself, "This has 300 calories! How am I going to burn this off, plus the 300 I ate earlier??" And that was barely at 11am! Like I said, I was convincing myself out of dinner DAILY.

Next on my card, (skip the middle part about Hanukkah...I can't remember why I wrote that! I'll have to go back to my study heehee) I wrote a little arrow. On one end is "Neglect," on the other end is "Obsession," and in the middle is "Respect." Basically, to me, this has to do with food. You have 3 options every day when you wake up. You can either neglect your God-given needs of a basic healthy caloric intake every day (which I would catogorize as: Obsession), you can over-do it with junk food and other unhealthy things (which I would say is Neglect), or you can choose to respect your body and your God and do what is healthy for yourself.

Isn't it crazy how the Lord speaks directly to ANY issue we have in our lives? I never thought I'd get encouragement about my WEIGHT from the Bible!

I think my main purpose in sharing all this is that I, yes I, went through a time where I realized how easy it is to have an eating disorder. I am by no means belittling those of you who have maybe dealt with this. In fact, I am saying I understand what that stuff can do to you! (And obviously, not ENCOURAGING it by ANY means). The Lord says in His word: "DON'T LET ANYTHING MASTER YOU." A few weeks ago, I was letting my weight and food master my life. The enemy will use ANYTHING HE CAN to destroy you. Don't let him. Be victorious!

<3 "Still overweight, but working on it, but I'm finally CONTENT" Sarai

A quickie

Just a super quick vent/update. For those of you who don't know or don't know the details, I started a new job yesterday. I will be a reading teacher/ELD teacher for as long as they need me. It could potentially go until the end of the school year. If I don't get picked up as a full time, 100% contracted teacher by the end of the year, it could become a position they want for next year, if they have the funding.

My job so far has consisted of observing how the other Title I teachers conduct their small groups, meeting the others I will be working with and creating a schedule. I am definitely disappointed that I haven't been hired back yet, but that feeling of frustration doesn't spill over into my new position.

I think I will be just fine--the staff I'll be working with are really nice and funny. They are really low-key which fits great with my personality. I think that is what I was really nervous about--meeting more new people. I already had to meet a whole new staff when I did my long-term sub. Now I am faced with an entirely new staff! Most of you know, I am so lame when I meet new people. I feel stressed and awkward and I lose lots of sleep if I know ahead of time that I'll be meeting new people. Anyway...

Yes, yes. Be excited that I have a job. But don't stop believing for a 100% contract for me. Keep my situation in your prayers if you think of me!

In other news, Thanksgiving, Christmas and everything in between was a hectic but enjoyable time. I miss my students from my long-term sub TERRIBLY. Like, my heart aches when I think about them. I am glad to know they are with their teacher though, who will love them too :)

Teaching the teacher

Being a "teacher" at this point has been a struggle for me. Losing my job last Spring was a major blow for me and my confidence as an educator. I know it wasn't "personal" but I grew up having to be the best of the best in order to prove myself and losing at something wasn't great for my self-image. However, I believe the Lord is using that to help me grow in other areas of my life--especially as a teacher :)

I've been subbing in a 4th grade classroom in the district I used to teach for full time. I will be in the same classroom until Oct/Nov/Dec ish. I've always felt I was too strict for a 4th grade teacher, so I decided to use this year as a "let go and have fun" year since I'm "technically" not their teacher. I felt like things were going ok. Lots of talkers and I've had to be strict with a few who don't operate well without strict boundaries, but overall, I've had a really fun time with the kids.

Last night was Back to School night where I got to meet the parents of my students and lay down the law for the school year ;) I was nervous, as usual and felt under dressed...then I felt over dressed, then I felt too tall, then I felt too short...tons of emotions. Anyway, the night went really well: I met great families and both presentations went really well. Today, I received 2 emails from parents telling me that their child has not stopped talking about me since Day One and how much they love school since coming to me this year. I pretty much cried. That's really meaningful to me since I feel so "rookie" being only a 3rd year teacher and actually pretty inexperienced with children, not having any of my own. I'm also not a coddler. I don't baby my students. I don't even baby my nieces and nephews. So, it looks like I'm finding a good balance of fun, supportive, yet strict-ish teacher. I even had a student see me at bowling tonight and run up to me for a big hug. :)

I'm still learning. I love learning. I admit my faults to my students every day and they still love me and somehow learn from me. I only hope I can love them enough to be a shining light in their lives that reflects the love of Christ. <3

9 Things

Since our return from Africa, I have had blessings POURED OUT in massive amounts. It's been almost unreal.

1) Less than 2 weeks after returning, I chose an apartment complex to tour, applied and got the place in less than 2 days.

2) I was able to pay the $1400 (rent, deposit and credit check fee) with money I was able to save while living with my parents for the last 9 months.

3) I was GIVEN a washer.

4) Although I remain unemployed, I was offered a long-term sub job at a GREAT school in FOURTH grade! I start tomorrow :)

5) My dad won a BBQ at work in a drawing. He GAVE me his old one.

6) My parents bought a new dryer this week. They GAVE me their old one.

7) My parents also gave me a cute giant umbrella for our patio for my birthday.

8) I got a sweet pit bull mix pup almost a week ago. She's amazing to have around--even when she has accidents.

9) My cable got fixed! So instead of having 20 channels, I have the regular uh over 300 that we were supposed to have. :D

Psalm 37:4"Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart."