Reasons Peasons

So, my title and picture are under deep scrutiny right now. I would like to explain why I chose the words I chose and why I chose the picture I chose.

My sister says I have to choose a name and stick with it in order to be a "Real" blogger. -I- maintain that it is tough to describe your current, ever-changing mood and life when you are as young as myself :)

Anyway, the words "Oh, How He Loves Us" are from a song written by John Mark McMillan. Ever since Tina our worship leader introduced us to this song, I have been addicted to the words. Here are some of the powerful lyrics:

He is jealous for me
He loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.

To me, these words tell how passionate and powerful the Lord's love is for each of us. Not some puny cartoony, romantic movie kind of love. Love like a hurricane...do you know what hurricanes do?!

The song then goes on to repeat over and over:

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

Hence, the explosion shaped like a heart. His love consumes all else leaving behind only Him and us. How can I express this love to you?! How can you tell someone that God loves them? Tell them He loves them like a hurricane. And that they are simply a tiny tree that can barely hold on because His love is almost too much to endure.

Wow...that sounds violent and intense, but to me, it is very powerful and meaningful to me and my walk with the Lord. I can never love Him as much as He loves me...my love IS puny compared to His.

Friends for Life (FFL)

So, in honor of Brianna's blog all about me and how fantabulous I am, I thought I'd return the favor. Brianna (or Nan as our family lovingly calls her) is just over 10 years younger than me. I remember being 10 when she was born and thinking of how cool it was to be an "Auntie" so young. She and I were BEST friends when we were little. The Bryants lived in OR for a while and when they would come visit, she would run into my arms yelling "Auntie Ri!" I would babysit her, feed her, change her smelly diapers...those were the good ole years.

Then she grew up. Just kidding. No but really...she was like a little sister to me and as I grew older, she wanted to be with me and all the big girls all the time. I will admit there were times I wanted her out of my room during my sleepovers! I look back and wish I could tell my little jr. high self to love that little toddler and enjoy her, but alas...

Now she is turning 14 soon. Over the last few years, she and I have grown much closer than we have ever been. She makes me laugh ALL the time and we hang out often (like, at LEAST once a week). I can't wait for her to start singing on the worship team with me and we sing in the car a lot together.

As she grows up (and by up I mean UP!!), I have watched her go from a tiny sweet baby to a tall, talented young lady who loves the Lord and her family. I know the Lord has amazing plans for you, Black Man, and I am so blessed to be by your side through it all <3

Merry Christmas Eve!

Look at those big doe eyes...how can you resist me?!

Grateful

I often find myself preaching to a room full of 10 year olds. Sometimes I reprimand their poor grades, sometimes I remind them that I am there to help. Mostly, I spew out wisdom about being thankful for what they have. Such as a teacher who still accepts late assignments or a treasure box full of fun prizes every week.

Tonight, I feel overwhelmed with thankfulness. A thankfulness that I often try to force, but never recognize myself. Sometimes it takes extraneous situations to really make you realize that you have a lot more than you really need or even deserve.

As many of you know, I am a teacher. Among one of the most selfless jobs...so I've heard. Well, when someone tells you that, you think, "Hey, I AM pretty important, huh?" Then you slowly forget where you came from. From dirt, from nothing. Well, I'm here to say that I remember where I've come from.

I remember that I am wrong, that I am broken, that I am poor. I remember these things because that isn't me anymore. My Lord took my worthlessness, my stupidity, my anger, my impatience, my bad attitude, my financial struggles, my self-image, my family. He took it ALL and said, "It's okay, Sarai. I can handle this for you."

I am THANKFUL that I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from or whether or not I will have a job in a month or in a year. I am thankful that the Lord calls me to trust in Him and His grace and faithfulness daily. I am thankful that I struggle with stress, worry and anxiety. Most people would never be thankful for these things. I am thankful because my daily struggles remind me that I am not alone. They keep me in check. They teach me to share my burdens with the Lord.

Week 2

I left you last week with the scene of me pulling my hair out by the end of the week because my students were really doing everything they possibly could to tear me apart. This week was hauntingly familiar...tons of "lost" science fair projects (7 to be exact...that's 27% of my class!!), hiding D and F grades from parents, lots of phone calls home and frustrated sighs from moms and dads...it was just another tough week!

But all in all, I am thankful for these things. I asked the Lord to break Sarai down and fill me with Him...I guess I'm in the "breaking down" part of the transformation. What I find most difficult is the fact that I am a very vocal teacher and not being vocal (sometimes being silent or very quiet) is VERY out of character for me. It makes me feel uncomfortable and transparant and I don't like having that feeling when I am supposed to be in charge.

I have implemented some new teaching methods which include a lot of small group work...it's almost like centers but for intermediate kids so there's lots of reading out loud, listening to books on CD, working with me, working independently on stuff. It's working out well and I even asked my boss aKa Principal to come in and see how it works because I am THAT excited about it!

Til next weekend!

Week 1 of: Emptying myself

Whoa!! Who thought following the Lord's will would be so difficult!!!! Just kidding. I knew it was going to be tough, but I swear God has a sense of humor or something...here's how my week went:

My normally highly-caffeinated self usually gets through the day by sighing frustratedly at the daily homework delinquencies. But this week, I was determined to smile away all the frustrations and really get in there and teach those kids. Well, those kids (and the powers that be) had other things in mind...things like fog delays, science fair projects, lesson observations by the boss...

Needless to say that in addition to kicking my headache-inducing caffeine addiction, I also had one of the most challenging weeks of teaching that I've had all year! I really was able to pause at times during the week though, and remember that these are "the Lord's cheeldren" and not just my students. I was able to speak gently to them and I always remember to hug them at least once a day (yes, I'm allowed to do that!!).

Let's see how next week goes...I've got district mandated tests due, report card summaries due, my first SST, and training for a new math program...

Inspired

My thoughts after a thought-inspiring sermon following a thoughtful thinking week:

• First of all, I've been wanting to change my teaching habits for a long time now. I feel that I micro-manage my classroom and make sure that all my students are like little soldiers doing all the right things at all the right times. I feel like this reflects a little on my upbringing in that as soon as I'm not there to micro-manage them, they immediately do everything OPPOSITE of what I want them to do! This did not result in me learning anything as far as responsibility; it just taught me to watch my back and make sure I didn't get caught. Therefore, the new goals I set for myself as an educator were to let off a bit--not ride them so hard and maybe all the things I try to teach them (responsibility, morality, honesty, respect, etc.) will start to stick. WELL, today I realized that it's not what I can do to change them or mold them. I am MERELY a vessel for the Lord to fill DAILY. HE will be the one to change them, mold them, teach them, and guide them. Only He can't do that unless I totally empty what Mrs. Jones wants (like a perfect, clock-work classroom or perfect angel students) and let the Lord fill me with what He wants every day. For me, this will also extend into my relationships with my co-workers. There are a few people (as there are at EVERY job) who I don't "get along with." But who am I to judge them or make them feel angry or hurt? I need to do like John said and just give myself to them to do what they want with--mock me, hurt me, rob me. That's what the Lord wants--a total servant.
• Lastly, be thankful and aware of the blessings you have. Even things as simple and sight and hearing. These things are a privilege, not a right.

Okay, so a lot of that was mostly babble, but it feels good to share my thoughts. Any of your own?