**Disclaimer: I spilled iced tea on my laptop a few weeks ago. Currently, the y, g, and spacebar keys are not cooperating. Please forgive any missing y, g or spaces.
30df on Facebook
Above is a link that explains a little about the 30df that several people from The Way participated in recently. I didn't blog as much as I should have throughout the journey as I should have; the Lord did a lot of cool things that I want to remember.
The Lord has really begun a cool awakening of sorts in my heart. I've tried lots of times to express some of the stuff in my heart, but I can't think fast enough in conversations, so blogging it is.
Letting go and letting God: Don't we all have trust issues? Totally. I am super insecure in many areas of my life. I like to control everything. I think I get it from my mom (love you mom!). I grew up with a strong mother who took care of everything. I definitely inherited that part of her. I try to be Super Sarai by taking care of cleaning, working overtime, paying the bills, budgeting, cooking, shopping, etc. etc. etc. Being in control of every little thing around me makes me feel like I am showing love to others. However, pretty sure that sometimes others like to be in control of their own stuff! Haha! So during the fast, there were several times when I had literally ZERO control over the situation.
For example: money has been VERY tight/non-existent since I took my current job. At one point, several checks were cashed and there was LITERALLY no money. We all know what that means...Overdraft fees!! 4 to be exact. That's $120 EXTRA that I DIDN'T have that I now had to pay, on top of the cashed checks. I'll be honest. I cracked and I was alone. No friends to go to, no one to tell me it would be okay. I don't think I've ever been so pitiful before.
Then I got mad. I got mad at God for this. I called Him out. In Malachi 3:10-12 it says
"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse that there may be food in my house. 'Test me in this' says the Lord 'and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.'"Even though it was in anger, I had a legit petition here. He says to test Him. Now, don't misinterpret what I'm saying here. The Lord doesn't want us to only give to Him to then throw it back in His face later or something. This message is for those who are faithful with their tithes, as it says there in verse 10: bring your tithe to the storehouse.
Anyway, I felt biblically justified in blantantly saying, "God. We have been faithful. Now the ball is in Your court." Guess what. I didn't feel better. I cried for another 30 mins or so. It wasn't until I was putting the cat out to use the restroom that it hit me like a ton of bricks. God's voice in my heart. "Let go. Let me. Be at peace." I burst into laughter. Me? Be at peace?? With negative hundreds in the bank???!!! How can you resist the powerful voice of the Lord though? I felt sooooo overwhelmed. I wanted to argue. I wanted to resist. Psh. You can't resist God's love. I had to get in bed after that to process what had just happened. I fell asleep with my brain, which knew there was NO PHYSICAL WAY to solve this, telling me to stress and my heart, which knew that God was bigger than a few hundred dollars, telling me to rest while He dealt with it.
As I was getting ready for work the next morning, I checked the bank one last time to see the damage when I burst into laughter then tears.
There wasn't a negative balance anymore. Because our TAX REFUND was deposited a DAY EARLY. Really? Since when does the government give out money a day early?? I don't know. But the Lord had my back. He gave me His word that He would work it out and He did.
How can you not trust a God that carries you like that? When you think you're all alone. That no one gets you. I've got news for you. The creator of the UNIVERSE cares for you. He cares about your finances. He cares about your job. He cares about your marriage. He cares about your health. He cares about what's in your fridge. He cares about your transportation. He cares about what you care about.
He. Cares. For. You.
