Week 2

I left you last week with the scene of me pulling my hair out by the end of the week because my students were really doing everything they possibly could to tear me apart. This week was hauntingly familiar...tons of "lost" science fair projects (7 to be exact...that's 27% of my class!!), hiding D and F grades from parents, lots of phone calls home and frustrated sighs from moms and dads...it was just another tough week!

But all in all, I am thankful for these things. I asked the Lord to break Sarai down and fill me with Him...I guess I'm in the "breaking down" part of the transformation. What I find most difficult is the fact that I am a very vocal teacher and not being vocal (sometimes being silent or very quiet) is VERY out of character for me. It makes me feel uncomfortable and transparant and I don't like having that feeling when I am supposed to be in charge.

I have implemented some new teaching methods which include a lot of small group work...it's almost like centers but for intermediate kids so there's lots of reading out loud, listening to books on CD, working with me, working independently on stuff. It's working out well and I even asked my boss aKa Principal to come in and see how it works because I am THAT excited about it!

Til next weekend!

Week 1 of: Emptying myself

Whoa!! Who thought following the Lord's will would be so difficult!!!! Just kidding. I knew it was going to be tough, but I swear God has a sense of humor or something...here's how my week went:

My normally highly-caffeinated self usually gets through the day by sighing frustratedly at the daily homework delinquencies. But this week, I was determined to smile away all the frustrations and really get in there and teach those kids. Well, those kids (and the powers that be) had other things in mind...things like fog delays, science fair projects, lesson observations by the boss...

Needless to say that in addition to kicking my headache-inducing caffeine addiction, I also had one of the most challenging weeks of teaching that I've had all year! I really was able to pause at times during the week though, and remember that these are "the Lord's cheeldren" and not just my students. I was able to speak gently to them and I always remember to hug them at least once a day (yes, I'm allowed to do that!!).

Let's see how next week goes...I've got district mandated tests due, report card summaries due, my first SST, and training for a new math program...

Inspired

My thoughts after a thought-inspiring sermon following a thoughtful thinking week:

• First of all, I've been wanting to change my teaching habits for a long time now. I feel that I micro-manage my classroom and make sure that all my students are like little soldiers doing all the right things at all the right times. I feel like this reflects a little on my upbringing in that as soon as I'm not there to micro-manage them, they immediately do everything OPPOSITE of what I want them to do! This did not result in me learning anything as far as responsibility; it just taught me to watch my back and make sure I didn't get caught. Therefore, the new goals I set for myself as an educator were to let off a bit--not ride them so hard and maybe all the things I try to teach them (responsibility, morality, honesty, respect, etc.) will start to stick. WELL, today I realized that it's not what I can do to change them or mold them. I am MERELY a vessel for the Lord to fill DAILY. HE will be the one to change them, mold them, teach them, and guide them. Only He can't do that unless I totally empty what Mrs. Jones wants (like a perfect, clock-work classroom or perfect angel students) and let the Lord fill me with what He wants every day. For me, this will also extend into my relationships with my co-workers. There are a few people (as there are at EVERY job) who I don't "get along with." But who am I to judge them or make them feel angry or hurt? I need to do like John said and just give myself to them to do what they want with--mock me, hurt me, rob me. That's what the Lord wants--a total servant.
• Lastly, be thankful and aware of the blessings you have. Even things as simple and sight and hearing. These things are a privilege, not a right.

Okay, so a lot of that was mostly babble, but it feels good to share my thoughts. Any of your own?